We all have things or people in our jobs that drive us “nuts.” Pet peeves, if you will. Maybe it’s the coworker that always asks you stupid questions. Filing your mileage chart. Messing with the crappy copy machine. Showering with your coworkers. Wait, what? Yes, I have the distinct honor and joy of being able to shower with my coworkers (teammates) on a daily basis! Well, after years of this wonderful opportunity, I, with the help of some teammates along the way, have come up with a few ground rules that need to be adhered to while showering with a large contingent of men.
Note: These are in no particular order because, quite frankly, they are all pretty important!
1) No Manscaping
I mean, seriously? I never thought this would EVER be a problem, but the other day, it popped up (literally) while I was in the showers. When a bunch of guys are showering in a single room together, things can be awkward enough. Much less if one begins to groom himself. I understand we all need to be trimmed up every now and then, but please, just do it in your own shower and on your own time. Some things are better left in private. Especially if you are adding designs.
2) Use your own stuff
When it comes to the showers, sharing is NOT caring. Well maybe it’s just too much caring. What exactly am I referring to? Many guys bring their own loofas, shampoo, body wash, etc. into the showers. While it may be nice to use the Old Spice that your friend brought instead of sticking with the industrial grade shampoo/conditioner/body wash/lotion/hair gel that your organization may provide, don’t ask him to use it. Why? Because if you use it, then the next teammate might have the balls (see what I did there?) to ask next time. And if I have to explain to you why you should NOT share loofas, then I definitely don’t want to be showering with you.
3) Invoke the Splash Radius Rule – (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Splash%20Radius%20Rule)
Click the link if you need clarification on the Splash Radius Rule. I don’t have any problem showering directly next to another guy. I’ve had to do it numerous times. But, it is nice to have your own space. You know, for when you have to reach over and clean your feet. Basically, just give a man some space!
4) No Urinating
I can hear the mumbles as I type this. “But the warm water helps me pee.” “Hey, would you try to dam the Nile River?” I get it. Peeing in the shower is definitely a guy thing (maybe a girl thing, but I wouldn’t know. Or want to!). But if 25 guys are all peeing in the shower, then are we really showering? It’s just gross. I don’t think it is gross when I am peeing in my OWN shower when I am by MYSELF. Again, it’s one of those things that is better to do on your own time.
5) No Meat-staring
I am not saying you have to keep your eyes locked onto the shower head, or when involved in conversation, staring into the other person’s eyes (because that can be awkward too). It is perfectly fine to meat-gaze. You just can’t meat-stare. What is the difference? Sometimes your eyes just wander. Sometimes you just want to see how you measure up. Whatever it is, you are looking at it. It is socially acceptable to be caught looking at another man’s junk once in shower. That is meat-gazing. It is not acceptable to be making “eye” contact multiple times, aka meat-staring. I mean, after all, one look and you should be good even if you aren’t blessed with a photographic memory.